But then why is relaxing so effortful? If simple being is the ultimate state and we come to fully believe this, why is it that we keep on striving?
Because the striving makes sense to us, whereas Beingness does not. We know that anything worth having must be worked for, and the more worthy it is, the harder we must work. This has been incorporated into the very nature of our being and cannot simply be excised. If we wish to exist in just this moment, striving must be worn away gradually; for most of us there is no other way.
I confess that for me this sometimes feels like a battle, with awareness on one side and the mind on the other, thus:
But of course this is not a healthy way of viewing things, either. If the mind is wrong in this view and awareness is right, then I have set up the same old duality which always creates suffering. Besides which, as Heather Martin points out, the mind is merely trying its best to protect and help us. That its understanding is limited is not the mind's fault; it only has the tools at its disposal.
We are born with basic awareness completely intact and very little mind trying to control what goes on either inside or outside our bodies. Looking into an infant's eyes is deeply gratifying for the same reason that looking into the eyes of a true master of the dharma is gratifying--because there are no barriers there. The question is, why can't we simply remain aware and not lose it as we age? Also, is it then possible to simply return to such a primordial state and find awareness there?
But we cannot exist on awareness alone. It is inevitable that the infant builds up habits of minds and conclusions about the world; life would not be possible without them. We then must unravel many of our assumptions to get back to that state of being where awareness is paramount. It is frustrating to think that we start off fully aware and then muck it up in the process of growing up, needing to undo much of that mucking to get back where we started. But an infant's awareness is not informed with wisdom; it is an awareness that cannot go much of anywhere. For that to happen we must go through the intermediate stages to arrive at the awareness that can lead to permanent peace.
There is a misconception about this awareness, about our Buddha nature, that I shared until quite recently. The misconception goes like this: we are all buddhas and all that is required is for us to unbury that essential nature. That, so this theory goes, is the work we are about. But at a recent retreat with Christina Feldman someone casually said that since we are merely uncovering our Buddha nature within...and Christina stopped them and said, "Where is that written? When did the Buddha say that?" As she is a scholar of the early texts, I think we must assume the answers are, "Nowhere and he didn't". We must build this Buddha nature from the ground up. Yes, we have the basic awareness with which we are born and, yes, we have buried this awareness with all sorts of detritus, but I now believe that, while we are working back to that basic awareness we must carry with us the wisdom we have gained along the way in order to achieve anything like true freedom.
Because the striving makes sense to us, whereas Beingness does not. We know that anything worth having must be worked for, and the more worthy it is, the harder we must work. This has been incorporated into the very nature of our being and cannot simply be excised. If we wish to exist in just this moment, striving must be worn away gradually; for most of us there is no other way.
I confess that for me this sometimes feels like a battle, with awareness on one side and the mind on the other, thus:
A: Ah! I am.And so on.
M: You really ought to be cleaning the house.
A: The mind, chattering.
M: I mean, it's not going to clean itself, now, is it?
A: Returning to the present moment...acknowledging planning, planning....
M: You are an idiot to keep doing this blog thing. I mean, who cares?
A: Thinking, thinking....
M: Your mother doesn't even read it.
A: WOULD YOU SHUT THE *&%# UP!
Silence for a beat.
A: Breathing, breathing....
M: (Muttering) Not very freaking spiritual, if you ask me.
But of course this is not a healthy way of viewing things, either. If the mind is wrong in this view and awareness is right, then I have set up the same old duality which always creates suffering. Besides which, as Heather Martin points out, the mind is merely trying its best to protect and help us. That its understanding is limited is not the mind's fault; it only has the tools at its disposal.
We are born with basic awareness completely intact and very little mind trying to control what goes on either inside or outside our bodies. Looking into an infant's eyes is deeply gratifying for the same reason that looking into the eyes of a true master of the dharma is gratifying--because there are no barriers there. The question is, why can't we simply remain aware and not lose it as we age? Also, is it then possible to simply return to such a primordial state and find awareness there?
But we cannot exist on awareness alone. It is inevitable that the infant builds up habits of minds and conclusions about the world; life would not be possible without them. We then must unravel many of our assumptions to get back to that state of being where awareness is paramount. It is frustrating to think that we start off fully aware and then muck it up in the process of growing up, needing to undo much of that mucking to get back where we started. But an infant's awareness is not informed with wisdom; it is an awareness that cannot go much of anywhere. For that to happen we must go through the intermediate stages to arrive at the awareness that can lead to permanent peace.
There is a misconception about this awareness, about our Buddha nature, that I shared until quite recently. The misconception goes like this: we are all buddhas and all that is required is for us to unbury that essential nature. That, so this theory goes, is the work we are about. But at a recent retreat with Christina Feldman someone casually said that since we are merely uncovering our Buddha nature within...and Christina stopped them and said, "Where is that written? When did the Buddha say that?" As she is a scholar of the early texts, I think we must assume the answers are, "Nowhere and he didn't". We must build this Buddha nature from the ground up. Yes, we have the basic awareness with which we are born and, yes, we have buried this awareness with all sorts of detritus, but I now believe that, while we are working back to that basic awareness we must carry with us the wisdom we have gained along the way in order to achieve anything like true freedom.
Another wonderfully thoughtful post!
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