Observations

Things rattle around in my head sometimes. (I'm hoping I am not unique in this). Absurdities and oddities from the human experience that refuse to go away. Here's a few:

? Isn't the moral of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer that it's OK to revile and exclude someone who is different until you have a use for them, when it becomes acceptable to love them? Is Rudolph, then, the archetype of the undocumented worker? You know, as in the bigots who say, "Can't stand those wetbacks...except Juan, who takes such good care of my roses. Oh, and Maria, who cares for our children. I LOVE them." A further question: shouldn't Rudolph have told Santa where to put his fogbound sleigh? Founded Occupy North Pole? The Rights of the Red? For that matter, Santa's been doing this for a couple of centuries and he still hasn't figured out how to fly in fog, for Christmas' sake?

? I drive rental cars quite often and wonder why in the world they always give us two keys on a ring that can't be opened. Isn't the whole point of having two keys to put one in your pocket in case you lock the other key in the trunk or something? What could possibly be the point of conjoined keys?

? While we're on the subject of rental cars: why do the buttons and switches have to be so different from one car to the other? I have to spend an inordinate amount of time finding out how to operate cruise control, stereo, turn signals, heating and cooling. And the different places they put the plug-in jack for connecting my mp3 player to the car stereo is just intentionally cruel, sadistic, even. Can't we just decide and all do it the same way? While they're at it, could they just put the freaking fuel door on the same side of all cars and make them all open the same way? And, hey, what's up with some cars keeping the radio on after I take the key out of the ignition (until I open the car door)? When I say OFF, car, I mean OFF.

? One more on this theme: when I get into a rental car, it is almost always evident that the side-view mirrors have been adjusted to look behind the car. Folks, side-view mirrors (stay with me here) are for looking at the side of the car in order to see things in your blind spots. If you adjust them to be supplemental rear-view mirrors, it defeats their entire purpose.

? Is tetherball the dumbest of all possible games?

? Doesn't it seem that there are far too many talented engineers with too much time on their hands? I give you as Exhibit One those cheap wind-up toys that do fairly amazing things. I had one little car that went forward a foot or so, then a lever emerged from the bottom of the car, turned it all the way over, at which point the car continued on its way. And the engineering implied by those wind-ups that do a backflip, land on their feet, then do it again is mind-boggling  Another example: someone figured out that plastic drinking glasses, when stacked, have a tendency to stick together, so they put a little flange inside the glass about 4/5 of the way down, to keep them apart but still stacked. One more: in a little lunch box thingy I got a folding plastic fork. I know it doesn't sound like much, but a close look at this thing (which had to be cheap enough to mass produce) reveals astounding miniature engineering.

? Since we're basically made of seawater (our blood has the same salinity as the ocean), why can't salt water quench our thirst? For that matter, why hasn't a species intelligent enough to put a powerful computer in every phone figured out a cheap, efficient way to desalinate sea water?

? Nothing drives me as crazy as things that are designed to do only one thing and do them badly. The most glaring example is coffee carafes. They are for pouring coffee into cups but invariably pour a substantial portion on the counter and/or floor. Here's another one: return slips that don't fit return envelopes, like the slip you are supposed to return with your check to pay a bill. Now, this may seem petty, but consider that the company that made these made and sold them as a compatible set, meaning they must have either known they didn't fit one another or were too stupid to come to that conclusion.

? Around here I quite often see signs that say, "Illegal Trespass Prohibited". This drives me nuts. Trespass is by definition both illegal and prohibited. All illegal acts are prohibited. Does anyone really think that saying it three times will deter anyone?

? What is it with people who won't take their right-of-way at four way stops and other places? Do they really think this is considerate or kind? Folks, the most considerate, kind, intelligent thing you can do is to take the right-of-way the situation offers you and do so briskly. When you foil expectation in these situations, you only make the whole exchange more frustrating and dangerous.

? It bugs me that machines like microwaves, stereos, computers and cars display messages like "Hello!" and "Bye" and "Your Meal Is Ready". It's not so much that it creeps me out (which it does, a little), but do the designers really think this makes the whole experience more evocative? I don't require a warm personal relationship with my toaster oven. I require toast.

? Why do some people use motion detector car alarms on busy urban streets? Hello! Yes, every bus and truck that goes by will set off your alarm. Get a clue.

? I have stopped watching some popular comedy shows (eg, The Simpsons, Seinfeld) because I thought their humor had become mean-spirited. Yet I have no problem watching programs (eg, The Wire, Breaking Bad) in which murder and mayhem are common plot devices. I guess I don't mind if you shoot each other in the head as long as you aren't mean about it. Nice.

? As I get older, the term "absent-minded" takes on a more sinister and literal meaning. I mean, sometimes the sucker is just...gone!

OK, I know, not exactly Earth-shattering, but don't you sometimes just stop in your tracks and say, "What were they thinking?!" or, perhaps, "What was I thinking?!" I do.