MIA

I am acutely aware of how long it has been since I posted to my blog. Life got amazingly busy in the interim and I have been scrabbling just to get the day-to-day things done. I know there isn't anyone out there who hangs on my every word and goes into deep depression if I do not post, but I feel a certain obligation—if only an internally sourced obligation—to post here often, if not weekly, and of late I have not been able to do that. I've been feeling the lack.

What does this blog thing do for me, anyway? I understand the contempt sometimes expressed in popular culture toward the fact that everybody and his hamster has a blog these days. A quick Google search tells me there are over 60 million blogs in the world. We must be finding something worth writing about and, one would hope, worth reading about. But the question is, why do I do it?

This began as a blog about weight loss from a Buddhist perspective or, more accurately, how my relationship to food is warped and addictive and the Dharma helps me come to terms with that without guilt or remorse, but with understanding and love. Which, I hoped, would also lead to weight loss. Which it has. But the blog has transformed over the years into something much more generic but at the same time truer to my heart. Yes, I needed (and need) to lose weight, but that is only a meager slice of who I am, and it began to feel as if I was shortchanging both you and (I flatter myself) those who read this blog to give only that small part of me. And, truthfully, there is only so much one can say about the subject, right? "The Buddha says to accept myself as I am but to recognize where I am stuck and work, gently, to move beyond my stuckness. Part of that is my relationship to food. I am working on it." That's pretty much the gist of it.

So I moved on to being more general and writing more generally about me, who I am, what drives me, my joys and dreams and goals and sadnesses and challenges and terrors. But why should you care? Am I only being egotistical to think that I am important enough (or articulate or clever enough) to make it worthwhile?

Truthfully, I don't think that's the point at all. I believe with all my heart that we crave connection to one another. In our modern era we find less and less opportunity for connection. Though I distrust the kneejerk reaction to modern technology that decries every new gadget as inherently bad for interpersonal relations, I do recognize that most of us spend an inordinate amount of time inwardly focused, which includes whatever device we might be peering into during most of our waking hours. I laugh every time I go to the lunch room at work and, though a crowd is gathered, each of us is in the world of an iPhone or a tablet, ignoring everyone else in the room. Of course, part of this is that our employer does not allow us to use our devices during the work day, so lunch is the only time we have to check our texts and emails. Still, it wasn't that many years ago that our friends and family would just have to wait until evening or even a day or two to hear from us. Instead, the opportunity for connection with our co-workers is lost. Even when we do engage in conversation, if the Android calls, we feel we must check to see what it wants.

So this blog is, for me, a way of reaching out and being in touch with others. I realize this is somewhat antithetical, since it is almost entirely a one-way communication and comes to you electronically. Still, I hope it is clear that what I write here comes from my heart, that my soul is in it, that I am sharing with you as deeply as I can, always. I promise to do better about writing weekly, or nearly so. If not for you, then for me. Thank you for continuing to read.

P.S. Part of what has been keeping me so busy is a photography class. This won't become a photog blog, I swear, but I did want to point out that all of the pics in this post are mine (just so you know I haven't been out there wasting my time!). I feel more confident with my camera now and also intimidated by what I do not know and that of which I am not yet capable. I will continue to post photos from time to time but will try not to be obnoxious about it.