For the third year in a row, I bring to you the observations I have made throughout the year of things that strike me as odd, off-kilter, and how they could be improved in a world of which I was the absolute master. If you are particularly masochistic and wish to see the previous two installments of this particular self-indulgent act of curmudgeonliness, please click here and here. Enjoy!
? Why are there no A or B batteries?
? One small advantage of growing old is those new, super-powerful hand dryers. With the loss of connective tissue in my hands, it's very entertaining to see the ridges and furrows those things can make.
? Isn't it interesting how in a single generation smokers went from looking kinda cool to looking like idiots?
? Isn't it strange how such a small amount of water can cover so much floor space when you spill it?
? Ever noticed how major construction projects quickly get about 99% done and then stall (usually while still blocking the sidewalk), sometimes for months?
? Are those who create apps really so incompetent that they have to update them so often? How often does Mega Solitaire really need to be improved?
? Another sign I'm getting old: I just think nursing students are cute; so earnest, so young, so sweet.
? I just gotta say that this ongoing trend of kilt wearing by (non-Scottish) men just doesn't work for me; it looks plain dorky. It doesn't help that most of those who try to pull this off were probably dorks to begin with.
? There is something seriously wrong with my schedule if the neighbor's five year old is still out playing on a school night when I'm already in bed.
? Why do grocery stores feel they must periodically rearrange all their aisles so I can no longer find what I'm looking for?
? There is something deeply wrong with a world in which a sticker saying "Caution. Sharp blade" must be placed on my paper cutter. Seems to me a bit like a sign saying, "Warning, gravity" on every slope and stairway.
? Even though I paid for the premium site to avoid ads, I'm still a little intimidated by Pandora. If I don't do either a thumbs up or down after a while, I get this vague, unsettling feeling it disapproves of me.
? Why would anyone like Grape Nuts on Facebook? Almost 250,000 people have, though.
? Those of you who ignore my emails: cut it out! It's just plain rude. Sorry to sound like my mother, but every non-spam message should be answered. If you really don't want to respond to what I wrote, at least have the guts to tell me so. Jeez.
? Can't we please find an analogy for progressive unveiling that's not an onion?
? Let me tell you about Reido Air, my proposal for a new airline. No overhead bins. Two free checked bags, guaranteed to be at the carousel in 30 minutes. No beverage or food service. You want food? Bring it with you! We will even sell food cheaply at the gate before you board. Just imagine: no competition to board the plane because everything goes under the seat in front of you. You can always get to the bathroom if you need to because there's no freaking carts in the aisle. And we all get off the plane lickety-split because no one is heaving their carry-ons around. Heaven.
? It is an admittedly small but nonetheless genuine joy to have new, sharp fingernail clippers.
? Speaking of which, why in English are some singular things pluralized, like clippers, scissors, and pants? And, no, I'm not convinced it's because there are two blades or pant legs or whatever. A shirt has two arms, after all, and a pipe two ends, a coin two sides, .... And why do I get my hair cut and not my hairs?
? A license should be required to grow a beard and should be immediately revocable if one can't grow a decent one, doesn't know how to trim it properly, or doesn't wash it regularly.
? Why does the word-suggester in my phone know all manner of esoteric words yet I have to teach it swear words? I mean, it didn't even know "hell" or "crap". Are we really as puritanical as all that?
? Does it drive anyone else nuts that some people seem to have no awareness they are blocking an aisle or thoroughfare while they are standing there having that conversation? For that matter, if your gate at the airport is near a walkway, do you really think it's reasonable to stand smack dab in the middle of the latter to guarantee your quick access to the former?
? Sometimes it can be quite comforting just to retie one's shoes.
? I'm a little tired of everyone telling me to keep a copy of this or that document for my records. Maybe I will and maybe I won't. So there.
? When I bring a backup bottle of dish soap to work, why do people always start to use the new bottle rather than finishing off the old one first?
? Why in the world would anyone have timed sprinklers in Seattle? Here I am, walking in a torrential downpour, and there you are, watering away!
? Who in their right mind pays the exorbitant price for "gogo in-flight internet"? $500 a year? $3 for half an hour? What are they thinking?
? Didn't rubber bands used to last longer?
? Money is filthy. Wouldn't it make sense if any place that took cash had hand sanitizer at the register?
? Does anyone ever use the word "ulterior" except in conjunction with "motive"?
? Researchers want you to know this: what you eat, how you eat it, how much of it you eat, where you eat it, why you eat it, and whether or not you eat it, food is killing you.
? OK, I understand and appreciate the password to get into my bank or my Google account, but aren't we getting a bit carried away when I need a password to make an appointment for a haircut?
? If you live in Western Washington, we have no spiders that bite. Sorry to break it to you. It seems like every person who comes into the clinic with a pimple on their leg has diagnosed it as a spider bite. It ain't.
? If you have something important to announce, please don't only put it on Facebook and assume you have your bases covered. Some of us spend very little time there and it would be very sad if we missed out.
? What's up with the way men's shirts come packaged from the store? Each one is like it's own individual Rubik's cube and no two are the same. Is there some sort of protocol for how these must be intricately bundled? And, hey, two pieces of cardboard and a plastic thingy for each collar? Really? And good luck getting all the pins out before you stick yourself putting the damn thing on. I mean, folks, it's a shirt, for God's sake.
? How did that rock get in my shoe? Think about it. It's not as if I walk through gravel pits, and that little rock had to fly up into the air at just the right trajectory to land in the small space between my foot and the shoe. Pretty remarkable, and it happens all the time.
? I don't understand how it could be sensible to concentrate lemon juice and then reconstitute it before selling it to me.
? I think we ought to celebrate our birthdays for the number of days that we have years. A one year old doesn't need more than a day, but at my age, I deserve 58 days of presents and cake.
Thanks for reading! And for reading the blog throughout the year; I really enjoy writing it. Happy Holidays!
? Why are there no A or B batteries?
? One small advantage of growing old is those new, super-powerful hand dryers. With the loss of connective tissue in my hands, it's very entertaining to see the ridges and furrows those things can make.
? Isn't it interesting how in a single generation smokers went from looking kinda cool to looking like idiots?
? Isn't it strange how such a small amount of water can cover so much floor space when you spill it?
? Ever noticed how major construction projects quickly get about 99% done and then stall (usually while still blocking the sidewalk), sometimes for months?
? Are those who create apps really so incompetent that they have to update them so often? How often does Mega Solitaire really need to be improved?
? I just gotta say that this ongoing trend of kilt wearing by (non-Scottish) men just doesn't work for me; it looks plain dorky. It doesn't help that most of those who try to pull this off were probably dorks to begin with.
? There is something seriously wrong with my schedule if the neighbor's five year old is still out playing on a school night when I'm already in bed.
? Why do grocery stores feel they must periodically rearrange all their aisles so I can no longer find what I'm looking for?
? There is something deeply wrong with a world in which a sticker saying "Caution. Sharp blade" must be placed on my paper cutter. Seems to me a bit like a sign saying, "Warning, gravity" on every slope and stairway.
? Even though I paid for the premium site to avoid ads, I'm still a little intimidated by Pandora. If I don't do either a thumbs up or down after a while, I get this vague, unsettling feeling it disapproves of me.
? Why would anyone like Grape Nuts on Facebook? Almost 250,000 people have, though.
? Those of you who ignore my emails: cut it out! It's just plain rude. Sorry to sound like my mother, but every non-spam message should be answered. If you really don't want to respond to what I wrote, at least have the guts to tell me so. Jeez.
? Can't we please find an analogy for progressive unveiling that's not an onion?
? Let me tell you about Reido Air, my proposal for a new airline. No overhead bins. Two free checked bags, guaranteed to be at the carousel in 30 minutes. No beverage or food service. You want food? Bring it with you! We will even sell food cheaply at the gate before you board. Just imagine: no competition to board the plane because everything goes under the seat in front of you. You can always get to the bathroom if you need to because there's no freaking carts in the aisle. And we all get off the plane lickety-split because no one is heaving their carry-ons around. Heaven.? It is an admittedly small but nonetheless genuine joy to have new, sharp fingernail clippers.
? Speaking of which, why in English are some singular things pluralized, like clippers, scissors, and pants? And, no, I'm not convinced it's because there are two blades or pant legs or whatever. A shirt has two arms, after all, and a pipe two ends, a coin two sides, .... And why do I get my hair cut and not my hairs?
? A license should be required to grow a beard and should be immediately revocable if one can't grow a decent one, doesn't know how to trim it properly, or doesn't wash it regularly.
? Why does the word-suggester in my phone know all manner of esoteric words yet I have to teach it swear words? I mean, it didn't even know "hell" or "crap". Are we really as puritanical as all that?
? Does it drive anyone else nuts that some people seem to have no awareness they are blocking an aisle or thoroughfare while they are standing there having that conversation? For that matter, if your gate at the airport is near a walkway, do you really think it's reasonable to stand smack dab in the middle of the latter to guarantee your quick access to the former?
? Sometimes it can be quite comforting just to retie one's shoes.
? I'm a little tired of everyone telling me to keep a copy of this or that document for my records. Maybe I will and maybe I won't. So there.
? When I bring a backup bottle of dish soap to work, why do people always start to use the new bottle rather than finishing off the old one first?
? Who in their right mind pays the exorbitant price for "gogo in-flight internet"? $500 a year? $3 for half an hour? What are they thinking?
? Didn't rubber bands used to last longer?
? Money is filthy. Wouldn't it make sense if any place that took cash had hand sanitizer at the register?
? Does anyone ever use the word "ulterior" except in conjunction with "motive"?
? Researchers want you to know this: what you eat, how you eat it, how much of it you eat, where you eat it, why you eat it, and whether or not you eat it, food is killing you.
? OK, I understand and appreciate the password to get into my bank or my Google account, but aren't we getting a bit carried away when I need a password to make an appointment for a haircut?
? If you have something important to announce, please don't only put it on Facebook and assume you have your bases covered. Some of us spend very little time there and it would be very sad if we missed out.
? What's up with the way men's shirts come packaged from the store? Each one is like it's own individual Rubik's cube and no two are the same. Is there some sort of protocol for how these must be intricately bundled? And, hey, two pieces of cardboard and a plastic thingy for each collar? Really? And good luck getting all the pins out before you stick yourself putting the damn thing on. I mean, folks, it's a shirt, for God's sake.
? How did that rock get in my shoe? Think about it. It's not as if I walk through gravel pits, and that little rock had to fly up into the air at just the right trajectory to land in the small space between my foot and the shoe. Pretty remarkable, and it happens all the time.
? I don't understand how it could be sensible to concentrate lemon juice and then reconstitute it before selling it to me.
Thanks for reading! And for reading the blog throughout the year; I really enjoy writing it. Happy Holidays!
