Well, of course, that's not entirely true. But at 55, I have little left to gain from being buff, if that were even possible for me. In fact, I came back from a recent meditation retreat in a frame of mind to totally accept myself as I am, to stop using my perpetual dissatisfaction to keep myself from happiness. But I am a nurse (another little fact about myself) and had access to all of the reasons why one should not be overweight: it has the potential to cause or exacerbate diabetes, high blood pressure, joint pain, poor peripheral circulation (and consequent skin breakdown), arthritis, hemorrhoids, some cancers, and heart disease, to begin with. I have also had more back aches recently and think this must be at least in part due to my weight. And when I meditate, getting up from the cushion after 45 minutes is more painful to my knees than it ever has been. Granted, I am older than I ever have been, but my heaviness can't help.
I have also had a problem with fatigue for some time, and although the problem has improved with medication for hypothyroidism and vitamin D supplementation, it is irrefutably true that carrying around an extra 42 pounds has got to be exhausting. That's the figure I came up with: 42 pounds overweight. Of course, I think the height/weight charts are a bit extreme sometimes, but still; that's a lot of weight. In fact, I looked it up and at the 50th percentile, 42 pounds of extra weight is like carrying around a child 5 and a half years old. At all times! Without a break! Now, I have had the experience of carting a five-year-old around, and it is exhausting, even for a short period of time (and I was much younger then).
I have other reasons, too: I don't want to buy any more clothes; I want to fit into the ones I already have and the others that are hanging in the basement because I have "outgrown" them. I want to feel healthy and look it. And, yes, there is my vanity. I admit that I can't wait for the time when someone says, "Hey, haven't you lost weight?" because I know that most people are pretty reluctant to ask questions like that and only do so if the answer was pretty obvious.
But there are reasons that supersede all of these, even my physical health and comfort: the spiritual side of overeating and my relationship to food. I will write more about that in the next posting.
I have also had a problem with fatigue for some time, and although the problem has improved with medication for hypothyroidism and vitamin D supplementation, it is irrefutably true that carrying around an extra 42 pounds has got to be exhausting. That's the figure I came up with: 42 pounds overweight. Of course, I think the height/weight charts are a bit extreme sometimes, but still; that's a lot of weight. In fact, I looked it up and at the 50th percentile, 42 pounds of extra weight is like carrying around a child 5 and a half years old. At all times! Without a break! Now, I have had the experience of carting a five-year-old around, and it is exhausting, even for a short period of time (and I was much younger then).
I have other reasons, too: I don't want to buy any more clothes; I want to fit into the ones I already have and the others that are hanging in the basement because I have "outgrown" them. I want to feel healthy and look it. And, yes, there is my vanity. I admit that I can't wait for the time when someone says, "Hey, haven't you lost weight?" because I know that most people are pretty reluctant to ask questions like that and only do so if the answer was pretty obvious.
But there are reasons that supersede all of these, even my physical health and comfort: the spiritual side of overeating and my relationship to food. I will write more about that in the next posting.
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