Notes on lovingkindness

"It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one's life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than, 'Try to be a little kinder.'" --Aldous Huxley

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First of all, I forgot to mention yesterday that my weight is now 203 pounds.
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(This post is a continuation and yesterday's and will make more sense if you read that first).

I practice lovingkindness every day. I use three methods that seem to work for me:

--As I walk to work in the morning, I bring to mind all those I wish good things for. I am very specific and name each one. So this does not just become another rote recital of names, I do not move on to the next until I bring up a picture in my mind of that person, no matter how briefly. I include in this list those persons toward whom I feel animosity as well as those I spontaneously wish good toward.  The list need not be limited to the living. When I am done listing them all, I use lovingkindness phrases to send this out to all of them.
--I try to practice (with varying degrees of success) all through my day. Sometimes in the heat of the moment I forget and sometimes I can do no better than to think,  "May you be freaking happy, you *%!*#". Ah, well. We do what we can.
--One meditation teacher taught my wife, who then taught me, the effectiveness of practicing lovingkindness whenever I am waiting. For anything. At line in the grocery store, at a stop light, at the doctor's office. This practice turns an occasion for impatience into an opportunity to spread good will and open our hearts.

It is vital to bear in mind what we are trying to accomplish. Lovingkindness is not an aspiration to be a nicer person; it is far more revolutionary than that. This practice aims to entirely reset our default from defensiveness and reactivity to wishing only good things for every being at all times, even those (especially those) who really, really piss us off. This bears further investigation. Why in the world would we want to wish some jerk all the happiness the world has to offer? Don't such people deserve to suffer? But the simple truth is that it is we who suffer, not them. The old saying goes, "resentment is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die". You can feel that poison coursing through you, can't you? And if you think about it, if they are being so thoroughly nasty, it is most likely that they are already suffering. We have no right to lay more suffering on top of that, even if we have the power to do it. Generally, though, we don't have any such power, which means that we are accomplishing nothing but the creation of suffering for ourselves.

All beings are seeking the end of suffering. This is a basic premise of Buddhist thought. Yes, some people use extremely unskillful means to try to get there, but when we can remember this, it can activate our compassion. Oh, but this is hard. If we don't resent that person, glare at them, flip them off, then we are allowing them to get away with something, aren't we? Well, no, actually, we aren't. It is not our job to judge or punish or set the balance of the world right. When we take on that burden, it only serves to increase our suffering and in the process we often become the jerks in need of forgiveness. It is the job of karma to exact the toll that comes from meanness and negative actions. But that is a post for another day.