Because all things arise and pass away and as this is a fundamental aspect of their natures, it is inevitable that I will face many transitions. If I am paying attention, there are even many transitions in every day, a leaving behind what I was feeling or being or doing a moment ago to feel, be, or do something different in this. I suffer when I am in transition, but I know this is of my own making. Pema Chodron says that not only do we not deserve resolution, we suffer from resolution. Because change is in the nature of things, when I attempt to cling to how they have been, it is inevitable that I will suffer.
So, I am returning to work after a very busy week off, going to Jamie's graduation, spending time in Portland, going out to Whidbey. And tomorrow Kathy is leaving for a month to go care for her ailing mother in Milwaukee. We have been married a long time, and our only child has long since left to make his own life, so I will be on my own. I readily confess that I do not do all that well when Kathy is gone; she has become too much a part of my identity and my daily life for me to be able to perform that role with aplomb. However....
However, need I say it? This gives me the opportunity to reflect on the nature of what makes up a life and the transient nature of all things. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not as if I am turning a sow's ear into a silk purse here; I am not "rising above" the experience to make it a spiritual quest or some such rot. No, I am simply recognizing the painful nature of change and seeing that in the midst of that pain I can gain some spiritual understanding. Or, put more simply, since it will hurt anyway, I might as well get some good out of it, hadn't I?
I am at the stage of my life when parents are aging and dying; this is precisely where I should be at age 55, isn't it? My sister and my younger brother no longer have any in-laws, my older brother and myself are both down to one, and they are both ill. My siblings and I still have our parents, but they are clearly aging, too. When I speak to my mother-in-law, one of the things she acknowledges is that almost all of her peers have died.
I think it's a hard job being a human.
So, I am returning to work after a very busy week off, going to Jamie's graduation, spending time in Portland, going out to Whidbey. And tomorrow Kathy is leaving for a month to go care for her ailing mother in Milwaukee. We have been married a long time, and our only child has long since left to make his own life, so I will be on my own. I readily confess that I do not do all that well when Kathy is gone; she has become too much a part of my identity and my daily life for me to be able to perform that role with aplomb. However....
However, need I say it? This gives me the opportunity to reflect on the nature of what makes up a life and the transient nature of all things. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not as if I am turning a sow's ear into a silk purse here; I am not "rising above" the experience to make it a spiritual quest or some such rot. No, I am simply recognizing the painful nature of change and seeing that in the midst of that pain I can gain some spiritual understanding. Or, put more simply, since it will hurt anyway, I might as well get some good out of it, hadn't I?
I am at the stage of my life when parents are aging and dying; this is precisely where I should be at age 55, isn't it? My sister and my younger brother no longer have any in-laws, my older brother and myself are both down to one, and they are both ill. My siblings and I still have our parents, but they are clearly aging, too. When I speak to my mother-in-law, one of the things she acknowledges is that almost all of her peers have died.
I think it's a hard job being a human.
That was very moving. Well written, sir.
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